I took a few pictures tonight....I was going to upload them....but they're really bad.....my hair is getting pretty long...I still have a beard and I've been sweating since I'm up in my room. It essentially personifies my pathetic existance. I'm getting a haircut this week, and while I'm at it I might as well shave this shit off my face. I think it's time for a change. I don't know if Michigan is actually the place for me anymore. I don't really have a whole lot of friends here anymore, which used to be a consideration. Kyle and Ashley are leaving in a few weeks. I feel bad in the first place for being the perpetual 3rd wheel. That and I know that Ashley doesn't like going to bars.....would kyle and I do that...nah.. Joe is in AA...and I'd move there if I could find a job, but it doesn't seem to be working. Ian and Emily are out in Holland, but again thats a third wheel situation...I'm sure they had enough of that last summer, and the only time that wasn't me tagging along was when I was with Loren (although I'm sure she's way beyond that at this point).
Dan called me the other day and asked me as he always does "When are you coming out here to Cali bro?". Well......it might be time. I don't know if I have much left here, or at least what I was hoping/wanting. I think it might be time to talk to Erin and actually find out if I still have some sort of an offer out there. I have some really good friends here, and in the ideal situation I'd love to stay....but it doesn't seem to be presenting itself. Who knows, maybe If I go out there I could get Ian out there and we could finally do some writing on all the stuff that we've been doing for years. (on a side note saw "Anchorman" tonight with Kyle and Ashley....thats our kind of humor, if we could only get something together). So I guess the bottom line is that I'm getting frustrated. I'm at home, living with my mother, I have very little money and no job. I need to feel usefull again, I want to be able to buy my own things , I'd like to meet another girl that I would like to call my girlfriend...there is so much not happening this summer that did last summer in which I thought I could revisit, or at least keep going....
Ah well...I should go to bed....I've been forcing myself to get up in the morning so I'm not totally worthless....
..things will turn around, this life is just getting me really depressed...
ps- I flipped off president Bush the other day with my mom........not a great story...but still something I can say I did
"I've waited hours for this
I've made myself so sick
I wish I'd stayed asleep today
I never thought that this day would end
I never thought that tonight could ever be
This close to me"
hay-sues, dood. time to strike out toward cali. graduating university sucks when the ducks aren't lined up coming out, but it pans out. not without a bit of the dither, but it still does.
actually, i was lying about cali. cali's far away, thus an escape. but it could work out if you wanted to. too bad *work out* happens over a matter of months, rarely days. you'll laugh about this soon. sheeat, i'm 25...